Rational Conversations on Emotional Subjects

Posted on December 31, 2013 Written by

I’ve noticed an interesting thing about most human conversations. Sometimes one person approaches the subject in a thoughtful manner while the other person, may have rational point of view and an emotional link to the subject. Occasionally, both sides have emotional connections to the topic. Infrequently both sides talk about a subject in a completely rational manner.

When emotion enters into any conversation, it becomes difficult to talk in a balanced manner. Emotions usually trump reason; feelings are more powerful than thoughts and frequently control human actions.

As you have a conversation with a colleague, vendor, church member, volunteer, family member, or anyone, keep in mind your own emotions and how they are affecting your point of view and what you are saying. Likewise, recognize the feelings that the other person has and how those emotions affect the topic in ways that you don’t know or understand because they’ve had a different life-experience than you’ve had.

Emotions will always affect every decision that is made but emotions should not control the outcome of all decisions. Decision-making should be based on the best information available until more or different information is available. By definition, feelings will affect decisions – and that is a good thing. The key is to ensure that in the end, there is a well-thought out decision which is in the best interest of everyone involved.

Lead On!

Steve

Filed Under: leadership, strategy, wisdom Tagged: , ,

You Can’t Do It All

Posted on December 17, 2013 Written by

One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.

Acts 3:1-8

Many ministers feel they have to do everything they possibly can to take care of the needs of the people in their church. It is a mindset that frequently leads to ministry burnout. It also leads, falsely, to members thinking that every problem they have should be dealt with by their pastor.

In Acts 3, Peter and John enter the Temple in Jerusalem and encounter a man who has been lame for several decades. He positioned himself in the best location possible to ply on the emotions of people so they’d give him some money. The best place to do that was the Temple – so those coming to seek God’s favor could demonstrate to everyone including God how good they are.

Jesus went to the Temple a lot; like all good Jews, he was at the Temple every Passover and he most certainly passed by this lame guy. But Jesus never healed him. Wait a minute! Jesus didn’t take the initiative to heal this guy and take care of this need? Why?

We don’t know for sure: some will say that Jesus was “leaving it for Peter” or that the guy never expressed an interest in being healed or some other reason. The interesting thing to me is that not even Jesus got around to doing every single thing that he was capable of doing – he didn’t feel every hungry person, he didn’t heal every sick person, he didn’t remove every demon, etc. Jesus left many, many things undone.

And if Jesus with all of his God-power didn’t do everything while he was on earth, then who are we, mere humans, to think that we can do everything? We can’t and we shouldn’t think we can. We’re going to leave a lot undone, and that is just fine. Ministers should never feel guilty about not doing everything; instead, ministers should do the most important things in front of them.

Just as Jesus prioritized the critical things he needed to accomplish, ministers must do the same. The things that a minister cannot do should be left for others or even left undone. Focus on what is most important, just like Jesus did.

Lead On!

Steve

Filed Under: church staff, leadership, wisdom Tagged: , ,

More Advice for Young Leaders

Posted on November 19, 2013 Written by
  • Deal with things once
    • Paperwork, personnel issues, complaints, and so many other things are easy to put off. Instead of delaying, deal with them once and for all. Just do it. Touch a piece of paper one time – answer it, throw it away, or file it. Take care of a personnel situation as soon as you can (unless you need some time to think about the matter or consult with someone), and don’t let it fester. Honest-to-goodness complaints (not the whiny kind) should be handled one time. And then, move on. Don’t stand there staring at the past; turn around and look ahead to the next challenge.
  • Appreciate the past; invest in the future
    • Young leaders need to acknowledge and even honor the past, especially those who sacrificed and led others. After all, young leaders got where they are now because they stood on the shoulders of previous leaders, so these past leaders are owed some gratitude. However, you cannot dwell on the past – you must focus on the future. Look to what may come as a reason for your leadership, not where the organization has been. Honor the past; anticipate the future.
  • Meet with your direct reports monthly
    • I cannot stress this enough: meet with all your direct reports at least monthly in one-on-one sessions. Staff meetings are fine, but you won’t get details and information you need to do your job unless there are individual meetings. You need to hear the truth from your direct reports without it going through the self-filter inherent in a group meeting. AND, one-on-one times provide you the opportunity to tell that person, in private, how he or she is doing. Each month, each direct report needs to know what the boss thinks of his or her performance. Do not wait for the annual evaluation; do the evaluation monthly.
  • Find a mentor and a coach
    • Mentors and coaches are excellent. They can help you see things in a different light; they provide insight that you’d not thought of before; they can help you be creative in finding solutions; etc. However, they cannot make you want to change – only you can do that. And implicit in having a coach or mentor is the desire to get better, and that usually requires change. So find a good person to lead you, but make sure you’re willing to adapt to the new things you’ll learn along the way.
  • Prioritize important things, not urgent things
    • When a crisis or problem arises, ask yourself if this situation is “urgent,” “important,” “urgent and important,” or “neither.” If it is neither, then ignore it. First tackle things that are urgent and important, and then the rest (although you may not have the luxury of deciding what you take on first or second). I’ve learned that asking myself if this is urgent, important, or both really helps cut through all the fluff so that I know if I’m using my time wisely or if I’m just using up my time.
  • Empower subordinates to make decisions that affect them directly
    • You don’t have to decide everything for your organization. Determine early on what merits your attention and what really could be handled by others. Let others do things that don’t need your input or which need only a modest amount of your oversight.
    • Letting others make decisions gives them ownership of the ultimate decision, gives them a challenge to work on, makes them feel part of the team, and saves you a lot of time. It also helps them understand the daily decision-making process that you go through (with both good and bad results). Invite your subordinates into part of your management world and see how they can help you.
    • My best example is when I asked the administrative assistants to choose the office copier. They self-organized, visited the sales floors, tested the products based on what they knew they would need it to do, gathered information on pricing and service, and then presented me with their recommendations. My only job was to make sure their request fit within the budget (which it did). These ladies felt very good about the entire process until the machine broke down (on the 3rd day we had it!) and then they only had themselves to point fingers at. I then helped them understand that breakdowns are just a matter of time with copiers. When the copier contract came up for renewal, those ladies were much better at making a decision and that provided me even more time to focus on more important (and urgent) things.
  • Learn to make decisions quickly, decisively, and effectively, but not permanently
    • Decision-making is one of the key elements of leadership. It involves amassing information and opinions, sorting through the data, and making a determination (and occasionally leading a group to make a decision).
    • Do not get swallowed by “analysis paralysis” – you can always get more information, but will that additional information be sufficient to change the decision? Decide ahead of time how much is enough to proceed.
    • Follow up by communicating that decision up, down, and around to everyone – be as transparent as you can possibly can so that all know what is going on. Keeping everyone informed is vital to effective decision making.
    • Lastly, change your mind when necessary. If new information is received that is sufficient to warrant changing the decision, then do it. Life is dynamic; decisions should be, too. Do not be set in stone in your decisions; change them as needed but only when there is sufficient, relevant information to make a change for the better (never change for change’s sake).
  • Flow
    • Flow. I can’t emphasize this enough. Just “flow.” Many times you don’t need to fight against the situation; you need to flow. Trying to be heard on every subject is pointless, so just flow. Know what is worth your time and energy and what things are not – then flow with those that are not worth your resources. Flow – keep calm, be relaxed in tense situations that are not really that important, and ensure you have a level head. Flow.

Lead On!

Steve

 

Filed Under: leadership, wisdom, young adults Tagged: , ,

Advice for Experienced Leaders

Posted on November 12, 2013 Written by
  • Value Training, Be a Mentor  New and young leaders need someone to teach them how to be a wise and good leader. Experienced leaders must share their knowledge, experience, and expertise with the next generation. And the best way to do this is one on one (same gender to same gender, too, lest there be any mixed signals). Be intentional about finding, mentoring, and developing future leaders. Your investment of time and skill will return benefits for decades, perhaps forever, as your mentee becomes a mentor later. And, when you’re almost finished with one young leader, find another one and keep it going.
  • Employee Evaluation  Employee evaluations should be done every time an employee meets with his or her supervisors, as every employee should know every day what their employment status is. The annual evaluation time is merely to fill out paperwork, not to go into in-depth evaluations. Employees who do not know what their status is may feel a Damocles Sword hanging over their heads and thus might not be as productive as they could be because they’re wondering when or if they’ll be terminated. Keep your staff informed, and let them know each month when you meet with them how they are doing.
  • Set the Stage for the Next Generation  Over the years your organization has taken on your personality traits; that is a truism in business. However, these ruts and routines created by you will probably not be helpful to your successor who, frankly, needs to create his or her own. As you end your career, you need to be intentional about who is on key committees, what processes are being done “because the boss wants it” (and not because it helps the company per se), what “minefields” need to be cleared out so your successor doesn’t wander into them, and what personnel need to be moved on so they are not a headache to the next leader. Set up your successor for success; clear the launch platform of unnecessary things so the next leader can shoot for the stars.
  • Make Stakeholders Uncomfortable  For the most part, stakeholders in organizations want things to continue in the same ways so that their personal investment is not threatened but is instead honored. Stakeholders may be current or former employees, board members, longtime customers or vendors, major and minor donors, etc. Organizations cannot live in the status quo, and going forward often involves risks. It is up to the leader (hence the term “leader”) to nudge or even shove the organization and its stakeholders forward. Experienced leaders know the key stakeholders and will work with them to move everyone forward so that the organization doesn’t die from valuing the status quo over progress.
  • Foment Wealth-Sharing  You have tremendous experience and knowledge. Do not hoard that; share it with your community by serving on non-profit boards, volunteering in community-based organizations, and helping your church. You are responsible for leaving your neighborhood, church, and city better off than you found it. You stood on other people’s shoulders in order to achieve your status as a leader – you need to pay it forward by helping your community and its leaders be even better than where they are now. AND, you must challenge, prod, and encourage other leaders to do the same. You are rich in life – share the wealth!
  • Teach Wise Risk-Taking  Risk-taking is part of business, but it is not intuitive because everyone wants their “risks” to be certain successes. Experienced leaders know that failure is part of risk, but failures can minimized by taking “wise risks.” That involves asking lots of questions, doing an incredible amount of due diligence, and training people well. Risks are a necessary part of leadership – not taking risks means the person in charge is managing, not leading. Risks should be done strategically so that the “win” is clearly defined. AND, when the risk turns to failure, wise leaders know when to stop the venture cut the losses. Experienced leaders must teach the next generation how to take wise risks.

Lead On!

Steve

Filed Under: church staff, future, leadership, wisdom, young adults Tagged: , , , , ,

Tools for Your Staff

Posted on November 5, 2013 Written by

One of my favorite sayings is that all staff members need proper tools to do the jobs you’ve asked them to do. And then I follow up by saying that if I don’t give you the tools to do a job, shame on me. But if I do give you the tools and you don’t do it, then we’re going to have a serious talk about your future.

What are the tools that a staff person needs? Actually there are lots of them, but let me try to hit the top few:

  • Time
    • A staff person must know how long they’ve got to do a job
    • They need your time to meet with them so they know what to do
  • Knowledge
    • Staff members need to come with basic skills to do a job
    • They need to come with an attitude of being willing to learn new skills
  • Money
    • Staff members need a budget to do their job
    • They need to know the organization as a whole has sufficient funds to keep going so that they are not distracted by whether or not the organization will fold
  • Job Description
    • All staff need to know what their job is in clearly defined terms
    • The job description is also the standard by which their performance will be measured
  • Praise and Criticism
    • All staff need to hear positive things about their work, because those kind words go a long way in helping people feel good about themselves and their role in the organization
    • All staff need to hear some constructive criticism so they realize they have room to improve and stretch; the criticism should never be demeaning but must be a way to push the employee beyond where he or she is now
  • Challenges
    • Humans get into ruts all the time, but that isn’t good or healthy because you can’t see very far when you’re in a rut – the routine becomes the norm
    • Goals which are just beyond our grasp are good ways of making employees push and reach just a little farther than they thought they could

Give your staff the tools they need and in turn, watch them flourish. Nurture that growth and you’ll be impressed and amazed at what they can do. They might even grow so much you’ll need to promote them, and that is an excellent thing!

Lead On!

Steve

 

Filed Under: church staff, leadership, strategy, wisdom Tagged: , , ,

Steve’s Sayings

Posted on October 29, 2013 Written by
  • Pick and choose your battles (my mom said that first)
    • The single best piece of advice I’ve ever received (thanks, Mom). Not everything is worth fighting over. Decide ahead of time where you’ll put your energy, time, and knowledge. Decide what is most important and focus on that. Everything else is fluff and not worth your resources.
  • Simple is best
    • Complicated things are complicated and that makes life even more complicated than it is or needs to be. Keep it simple
  • Provide the right tools for your staff
    • If you don’t give them the tools, shame on you, and you can’t hold the staff accountable for your failures to set them up for success
    • If you do give them the tools and they don’t do what you’ve asked them to do, you need to have a serious personnel conversation with them
  • Training is one of the best tools for church staff
    • Provide constant training – it is not a “one and done.” Invest in your staff and then expect them to perform to the level they’ve been trained.
  • Every staff member needs a mentor/coach
    • No one is above needing a coach/mentor/accountability partner. It may be a group or an individual, but everyone (including pastors and CEOs) need an advisor/counselor.
  • Shadow a colleague once a year
    • Conferences are good and useful, but about once a year (at most every other year), skip the conference and find an organization that is already at where you want to go and then go shadow your counterpart there. Learning from them will help you avoid their mistakes and get you there faster than if you do it all by yourself.
  • Attack the problem, never the person
    • When you attack a problem, you find solutions; when you attack a person, everyone gets defensive and solutions take a back seat. Find solutions, not scapegoats.
  • God is inclusive, never exclusive
    • Non-Christians criticize the church for not following John 3:16: “because God loved the WHOLE world…” and Christians need to remember God never excludes anyone, even people who are not like us.
  • Financial numbers are best understood if you know their context
    • To fully understand why money is spent like it is, you need to really understand the whole organization. If you don’t want to take the time to delve in, then you only need a financial executive summary.
  • Do strategic things that eliminate future problems
    • Take the time to analyze why you have lots of little problems and then find a solution that resolves the root issue. It will take time, but it will save you time in the long run.
  • A financial crisis is a terrible thing to waste
    • A financial crisis is an opportunity to make hard decisions – and blame the financial crisis.
  • This is a personnel matter, not a management issue
    • Many times there is an issue that involves personnel but we often fail to address the people and their (in)action. You don’t always have to find a management solution, sometimes the solution is new personnel.
  • Never hire a ministry (Andy Stanley said that first)
    • Churches want to help people. That’s great. But NEVER put them on your payroll – you will become an enabler and never get them off. Give the person loads of benevolence, but not a paycheck. AND, just think what hiring a ministry does to the hardworking staff you have – what happens to their morale?
  • Develop people – gently push them farther than they think they can go and support them along the road
    • This goes along with coaching – we can do more than we think we can, but most of us need someone cheering and encouraging us down the road. Marathon runners love cheering sections; life is a marathon – get a cheering section AND be someone else’s cheering section.
  • My job as a manager is like a soccer coach:
    • give everyone a specific job
    • et them to play well together
    • stay inside the boundaries, and
    • keep everyone focused on the goal
  • Row together for the same horizon
    • A leader must set the goal (horizon) and then keep everyone aiming for that goal. If your rowing is not coordinated, you’re just going around in circles.
  • Outsource decisions to others as much as you can 
    • it frees you up and empowers them
    • if they do well in small decisions, give them bigger ones next time
  • The school of hard knocks is worth its tuition
    • The trick is to go through each class only one time
  • Use people but don’t abuse them
    • People are “tools” (that’s poor analogy but stay with me) and all tools should be used properly; abused tools will break or not work well causing you frustration when the problem is of your own making
  • Never embarrass anyone in public (Gary Fenton said that first)
    • ALWAYS talk to someone in private; there is no upside to public embarrassment
  • Everyone’s favorite subject is themselves
    • If you can get someone to talk about themselves, you’ll never lack for small talk at a dinner party
  • If nothing unites you then everything will divide you
    • Every church and every organization should have at least one clear focal point that EVERYONE can say, “Our mission is…”
  • Have conversations not confrontations
    • Conversations are dialogues; confrontations are usually one-way streets. Confrontations often lead to tense situations. Conversations usually lead to solutions.
  • Set people up for success
    • You will always be a better manager and leader if you help someone be better than they are now. Word will get around the office or organization and you will be seen as a leader because of the worth you place in people.
  • Excellence is the goal, not perfection
    • Some people are perfectionists; some seek excellence – don’t confuse those concepts. Excellence wants the best possible outcome using the currently available resources and it is willing to “make do” for now till something better comes along. Excellence, not perfection, must be the goal for all leaders.
  • Quality + Service + Cost = Value (adapted from Ray Kroc)
    • QSCV was the mantra of the founder of McDonald’s. I added some math symbols: value is the destination and that is achieved through excellent quality, outstanding service, and reasonable pricing. I’m always willing to pay more if the Q and S will be very good so that I get the best value.
  • Buy quality or you’ll buy twice
    • My dad said “we’re too poor to buy twice” – if you buy “cheap” it’ll break and you’ll end up buying it again. Be a wise money manager.
  •  Hire attitude first, then aptitude
    • You can always train people but only if they have the right attitude. The wrong attitude will infest your workplace and cost you dearly. The right attitude is invaluable.
  • One of leaderships greatest challenges is determining whether people are chasing you or following you
    • And sometimes people are doing both at the same time; sometimes even the same person is doing both.
    • Listen to the people who are chasing you; sometimes their criticism is helpful
    • The people who are following you need to be put to work as volunteers
    • Sometimes people will switch camps – that’s okay, they’ll switch back at some point or leave
  • Get & stay organized: your mind, your time, and your stuff. It will save you time and headaches later.
    • I’m an organization nut – I can usually find just about anything because everything has its place (just one place).
    • Organizing your time, your mind, and your stuff is short-term pain and long-term gain.
  • It’s not about how they act but how you re-act to situations. That shows your character.
    • You never control what others are going to do or say – you have total control over what you do and say in that situation. Be a person of character and not “a character.”
  • What is the wise thing to do?
    • This is from “The Best Question Ever” by Andy Stanley. This question will ensure you always do what is best IF you answer it truthfully.
Filed Under: communications, leadership, wisdom Tagged: ,

David & Solomon: Setting Up Your Successor For Success

Posted on October 22, 2013 Written by

David ruled Israel from 1000-960 BC and his son, Solomon, ruled from 960-920 BC. David was Israel’s greatest king: he unified the country, defeated the Philistine threat, built major civic projects and palaces, and prepared the way (and supplies) for Solomon to build the first permanent temple in Judaism. That temple lasted about 350 years and was the focal point of Judaism. Its restoration became a rallying cry of Jewish nationalism.

1st Kings in the Bible describes the materials, construction, foremen, and laborers needed to build the temple using a LOT of detail. The person most responsible for prepping for the temple was King David, but he never saw it. His job was to gather all the things needed to build the temple so that his son, Solomon, could do the actual building. David’s job was to create a platform so that his successor could be a success.

Pastors who are within five years of retirement have one primary job – to take care of things in the church (some of which have been lingering for years) so that his or her successor is set up for success. This involves making some hard decisions about personnel and/or volunteers, reallocation of budget figures, changing some of the expectations of the church about its leaders, and in general ensuring that all the minefields within the church have been cleared. A longtime and soon retiring pastor should have enough clout to do all these things and still retire gracefully. His financial future will not be dependent on the church when he retires, and that knowledge should free him up to make long-delayed decisions which can help the next generation.

David ruled and finished well as king. He made mistakes and he was vain, but for the most part his motives were pure. Yes, David was used by some of the people around him, including the conspiracy regarding his successor. But David knew that all that he did over the course of his 40-year reign could fall apart if he didn’t gather the materials and wise counsel his son and successor would need. In turn, Solomon was able to stand taller on his dad’s shoulders than he could have on his own. Solomon completed some of his dad’s unfinished stuff (the temple) but did a lot on his own (foreign relations). Solomon’s time was good for the country and good for him (albeit he made some unwise choices in his wives and advisors). Solomon’s success is directly related to David’s setting him for success.

Are you a David who will retire in a few years? If so, what are you doing to intentionally set up the next generation for success? Are you finishing well or just barely crossing the finish line? Be like David and help your successor be a success.

Lead On!

Steve

Filed Under: church staff, future, leadership, strategy, wisdom, young adults Tagged: , , , , ,

Be a Leader, Not a Manager

Posted on October 15, 2013 Written by

The church today doesn’t need any more managers. Over the past few decades the church has had people who cared for and made sure the current plans were set in place and funded. These are managers. Frankly, most pastors and church staff are managers because they like getting a paycheck, so staff members tend to stay in the comfort zone of the church members.

This has created the church we have today in America: well-tended and well-intentioned organizations. They have been managed. You might even say that these churches have been managed to death; churches did what church members wanted and stayed within the boundaries of the usual and customary, only rarely pushing out into the deep (usually after much study and having a church member or two champion this idea). Churches are declining. Younger generations do not care for well-managed churches; churches need leaders.

In Deep & Wide, Andy Stanley writes the following (I could post all of Chapter 14, but this is a sample):

The primary reason churches cling to outdated models and programs is that they lack leadership. For an organization to remain vision-centric, it must be led by a vision-centric leader or leaders. Problem is, church boards rarely recruit and hire leaders. They recruit and hire pastors, preaches, and teachers. Then they expect those pastors, preachers, and teachers to lead. But pastors, preachers, and teachers are trained and gifted in … you guessed it … pastoring, preaching, and teaching. In most churches, the man or woman who carries the preaching responsibility is expected to carry the mantle of leadership as well. This is true whether he or she is gifted and trained to lead or not.

Pastors, preachers, and teachers who are not gifted in the area of leadership default to management. Best-case scenario, they take what’s handed to them and nurture it, protect it, defend it, and in some cases, improve it. Worst-case scenario, they focus on pastoring, preaching, and teaching, and delegate key leadership decisions to committees. They are reticent to move outside the lines they were hired into. It’s neither intuitive nor comfortable for them to abandon the approach they inherited in order to lead out in a new direction. Consequently, they end up married to the model they were hired into.

Churches are craving excellent leadership, but churches are fearful of it too. This means leaders need to lead wisely and strategically. As often as I can, I tell men and women who are getting started in ministry that the church doesn’t need any more managers; it needs leaders. I plead with them to be leaders and not settle for mere management. Management has its place and is necessary, but there is a vacuum of leadership which desperately needs to be filled.

Please, please, please – be a leader.

Lead On!

Filed Under: leadership Tagged:
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