Funnies – December 2011

Posted on December 1, 2011 Written by

More stories from church life

  • Weddings!
    • One January a mom called the church office to reserve the Sanctuary for her daughter’s wedding. The mother of the bride (MOTB) asked for a date in June, 18 months from when she called! When the office assistant congratulated the mom on the daughter’s engagement, mom said that the daughter wasn’t engaged yet but she was sure it would happen soon and she wanted to get the date she wanted reserved on the church calendar. It was an interesting wedding!
    • The most beautiful wedding I’ve ever heard of was when Miss Alabama got married several years ago. You see, Miss Alabama’s bridesmaids were friends she’d met in various competitions. So, preceding Miss Alabama down the aisle were Miss Georgia, Miss South Carolina, Miss Mississppi, and a couple of other beauty queens. As I said, it was a beautiful wedding!
  • The minister’s wife left her purse under her pew in church one Sunday. She asked her husband to go back to the church and get it for her. When the minister walked into the Sanctuary, he didn’t turn on the lights because he would only be there for less than a minute. He went to where his wife usually sat and reached under the pew for the pocketbook. He grabbed some fabric and heard a yell from a man, the church’s custodian. That’s when the minister realized that the custodian was sleeping in the Sanctuary on the floor after worship. The wife got her purse and the custodian found another job!
  • Construction began on a new building for the church but first they had to demolish the existing structure. The wrecking ball knocked down walls and the excavator loaded up all the debris into dump trucks. But everything stopped when the wrecking ball swung too far and knocked down part of the mechanic’s shop next door. Fortunately the church’s insurance covered the bill for a brand new building. This was also unfortunate because the church had future plans to purchase the dilapidated mechanic’s shop but now couldn’t afford the price of the shop!

Lead On!
Steve

Filed Under: church humor Tagged: , , ,

IRS Tax-Exempt Ruling Letter

Posted on November 29, 2011 Written by

Whether or not a church should obtain its own 501(c)(3)ruling letter from the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) is a question with some confusion. It is a simple question with a multi-layered answer so here is my take on this issue.

  1. The IRS considers, by definition, all churches to be exempt from federal income taxes. Thus, just because you are a church, the IRS will not tax the organization for income tax purposes. AND
  2. Most churches that belong to denominational bodies fall under an umbrella that covers all churches in the regional, state or national organization. For instance, the local Episcopal diocese has a letter with the IRS which covers all churches in the Richmond diocese. That way, churches do not have to obtain their own ruling letter from the IRS.     HOWEVER
  3. Times are changing and church finances are getting more complicated every day. In 2008, some churches have intentionally sought to violate the IRS requirement that churches not endorse a political candidate. In 2004, the IRS revoked the non-profit status of 56 churches (albeit temporarily while there was an investigation).  THEREFORE
  4. Because some churches are getting involved in national politics, I am of the opinion that each church should control its own destiny as regards the IRS. I would hate for an umbrella letter (covering hundreds of churches) to be revoked because a few churches in that group decided to flaunt the IRS. My worst case scenario would be that the IRS would revoke the tax-exempt status of the entire umbrella while there is an investigation. In the end everything will work out fine, but in the meantime there can be some heartache because of the actions of other churches. So, my recommendation is that each church obtain its own ruling letter from the IRS. Yes, it is a pain to fill out the forms, get things approved, write a check for a few hundred dollars, and wait on the IRS for a few months, but think about the headache and hassle it could save the church later. Again, I feel it is important to control your own destiny and not potentially suffer because of the actions of other churches.
I hope that helps you and the decision by your church. I’ll be happy to talk with anyone about this.
Lead On!
Steve


Filed Under: church administration, church finances, strategy, wisdom Tagged: , , ,

Advice for Young Leaders

Posted on November 15, 2011 Written by
A good friend of mine recently became the CEO of a non-profit he’s worked at for several years. He asked me for advice on what he should do in his first few days and months. This is what I suggested to him and to anyone who finds themselves in the lonely position at the top of an organization.
·        MBWA – management by walking around
o   This is the single greatest act management can ever do – get out on the floor where things are happening. Don’t hide in your office. Wander around, have coffee, do idle chit chat, talk about football games, be visible and approachable. “The Boss” is scary enough – decrease the fear factor.
o   MBWA is absolutely critical and huge. You get to see how clean (or not) the building is, who is in the office, who isn’t in the office (because of vacation or sick), what offices look like, what the grounds look like, what the morale is like, etc. MBWA  is a great way to get feedback in a non-threatening manner.
o   Administrative assistants will make or break a leader. Keep them informed and find out what’s going on from them. Work the grapevine – make it your friend and put stuff on the grapevine as you need to. When it comes to office equipment, let the administrative assistants be the ones that make the decision about which copier to get (within budget boundaries), etc. Empower them – they are the ones that are going to use it more than anyone else.
·        Find a mentor/coach
o   The leader needs someone to vent to, to seek guidance and wisdom from, and to bounce ideas off of before sharing the ideas with those whom the leader is leading. Find someone you trust and meet with him/her regularly (should be a person of the same gender).
o   This should be one person – some form of sage and whose input does not need to be publicly acknowledged (that person is not in it for the credit).
·        Ask for staff input
o   Within the first 90 days, meet with each person and find out what is one thing they wish would happen or that they need to do their job. Then see if you can make that happen within the next 90-180 days. It shows the leader is listening, cares, and is willing to make things happen if it is within his power (and budget).
o   Meet weekly with the executive staff. Meet monthly with each level of staff, including having a monthly meeting with the secretarial/support staff. Listen to your staff and remind them at least monthly of the big picture vision and strategy for achieving that vision.
o   Always let your staff know what you expect from them and how they’re doing (“One Minute Manager” stuff). When the annual personnel evaluation comes along, you will have met so often with your staff that they will know exactly where they stand with you, so the eval should take about 15-20 minutes (enough time to fill out the paperwork and have a prayer).
o   Consult regularly with your staff and ask them sincerely for insight/input and then act on it. Ask your staff for ideas on how to reach the vision (tactical moves to achieve the strategic goals) – they’ll appreciate being heard. Don’t kill ideas before they’re hatched – let some ideas develop more fully before you either kill them or invest substantial resources in them.
o   If someone gives a great idea that is implemented, give credit to that person, publicly. It’s a great morale booster and costs you nothing, but you gain lots of capital.
·        Read together
o   Get some GREAT books on business leadership and read them together. Personally I prefer business leadership over “Christian leadership” books – I find them more practical and less preachy.
o   Suggestions: “Me, myself and Bob” by Phil Vischer (of Veggie Tales – this is one of the absolute best business books I’ve ever read and funny as heck, too), “In Search of Excellence” by Tom Peters (or other Tom Peters’ books), “The Best Question Ever” by Andy Stanley (Visioneering is also very good but TBQE is one of the best books I’ve ever, ever read). Andy Stanley likes “The E-Myth Revisited” by Michael Gerber and used it to guide his church to what it is today.
o   Discuss the books, learn from the books, critique them, implement what they say, move on to the next book.
o   Go through 2-3 books a year on leadership.
·        Have fun
o   Each quarter (or more often) have the staff do something fun, not professional. You’ll learn more about each other outside the office than sitting in your workplace.
o   For instance: bowling, painting pottery, ropes course, canoeing, ballgame, go to a movie, etc. This is not sitting in a restaurant but doing something together – essentially, making memories from an experience together.
o   Divide the staff and ask them (not your executive assistant) to plan the day and give them a budget (maybe $250 each quarter) for them to plan something fun in an afternoon (or even a whole day). This will help the staff to keep things light when life/work gets very tense.
o   I can’t stress enough how important it is for the staff to get out of the office and do things together and even have events when the staff families are invited to join in.
·        Know the numbers
o   Keep up with all of your financial data. Each month ask the CFO to meet with you (and the treasurer of the board) to review the past month’s financials and to forecast future expenses and revenues. Ask your CFO what numbers are of my interest to others (the ones he/she cites) and be able to repeat those key numbers to outsiders with ease (and understand what you’re saying).
o   Bring your CFO to key meetings and get him to speak to the finer points (the geek-speak detail).
o   Hire me as your financial consultant/coach or your CFO (just checking to see if you’re reading this).
·        Cultivate your top 25 donors
o   Learn who they are.
o   Meet one for coffee each week or every other week (make it a regular part of your schedule to meet with a top donor).
o   In your meetings, share with them your vision for the future of the organization. Ask them for input and insight – they’ll be honored to give it and appreciate your asking.
o   Don’t ask them for money – that’s what they’re expecting. After a few meetings, they’ll ask you how they can help – if they’ve truly bought into the vision. Be able to cite financial figures – they’ll be impressed.
o   Never be afraid to talk money with the wealthy – they’re over it. Non-wealthy types like us are the ones with a problem in talking about money. See “Robbing the Rich” in my blog. The wealthy want to give money away – give them a compelling reason to give it to you – one that they’ll tell others about and feel good about.
Lead On!
Filed Under: leadership, wisdom, young adults Tagged: , ,

Funnies

Posted on October 27, 2011 Written by

I’m totally convinced that a sitcom could be made about church life. And the kicker is that all the storylines would be based on actual stories submitted by church members and church staff. The problem is that most people would never believe these actually happened. Here are a few examples:

  • Follow that Pastor
    • A pastor performed a funeral. Afterwards, everyone proceeded to their cars to go to the cemetery. As is the custom, the hearse and all the mourners followed the lead car, the pastor’s car. The pastor led the way and then completely forgot what he was doing and led the entourage into the parking lot at Wal-Mart. When he got out of his car, he realized he was leading the pack to the wrong destination.
  • Parking Problems
    • A minister parked his stick-shift car in the parking lot which had a slight incline to it. At some point the car slipped out of gear, and a few minutes later a staff person glanced outside and noticed three ladies by the minister’s car. They were yelling for help as together they put all their strength in trying to keep the car from rolling down the parking lot into other cars.
  • Bulletin of Evidence
    • A woman came to the church office asking for a copy of the bulletin for the previous Sunday, the Sunday after Easter. The church’s custom was to print the names of all guests who attended the previous Sunday. She wanted the bulletin because it listed not only her husband’s name but also that of his girlfriend. The wife had wanted to attend Easter with her husband, but he had preferred to attend with his girlfriend. The wife wanted the bulletin to use in divorce court!
  • Hijacked Website
    • A well-meaning member purchased a website domain name for her church. She not only created the website but also made email addresses for the staff to use. This volunteer ran the whole operation out of her house because the church didn’t have the financial or personnel resources to run the website. After a few years, the church decided to take on the website. When a staff member went to the woman’s house to talk about transferring the site, the woman very proudly showed the staff member not only the website but how she, a volunteer church member, was monitoring all the emails that the staff was sending and receiving. Oh MY!
  • We Have Liftoff
    • The spring-loaded candle on the candelabra was stuck, but the groom worked hard to loosen it so he could join his bride in lighting the unity candle. The bride was growing impatient as she held her candle. The groom’s father stepped up and handed him the candle the father had used to light the groom’s candle (and which the father had taken to his seat). The bride and groom then lit the unity candle, she put her candle back in its place, the groom placed his extra candle on the floor, and they began walking back to the altar. It launched. Very high. The spring-loaded groom’s candle finally loosened, and the innards of the candle launched. Every eye watched it soar, and everyone heard it clang on the stone floor. The MOTB (mother of the bride) was aghast. The soloists stopped singing because they were laughing so hard. The minister couldn’t gain his composure and guffawed four times before he was able to pronounce them “husband and wife.”
  • Babies!
    • A baby was brought forward by his parents for christening during a hymn. When the minister uncovered the small baptismal font, he discovered it was dry as a bone. It had not been filled by the volunteer in charge of that. The minister motioned to the music minister to keep singing, and the minister disappeared. A couple of minutes later he came back carrying a pitcher of water from the church kitchen and poured it in the font. The baby was christened with no further delays.

I’d love to hear your stories. I’ll put more on here, too. Who knows, maybe we can get someone in Hollywood to produce “Steeple Chase.”

Lead On!
Steve

Filed Under: church humor Tagged:

Church Violence Website

Posted on October 23, 2011 Written by

I found a website that deals exclusively with church violence, Church Crime History. I do not know this person so I’m not endorsing it but he has a lot of information and statistics. I believe that his purpose (and mine, frankly) is to make people aware that churches can have violence. Information is always good – information can be used to help members be more aware of what is happening in other churches. Share this resource with whomever you feel it would help to know about this.

Let me encourage church leadership to take some pro-active steps for safety and security. The depth of those actions is dependent on the church’s budget and the perceived potential danger to the church and its people. Some actions won’t cost the church a dime (such as setting up a Safety Officer Team) while others are much more expensive (such as security cameras). It is true that many of the items listed in Church Crime History could never be prevented – no argument there – but some precautions are always a good step in the right direction.

Lead On!
Steve

Filed Under: buildings, church safety, church security, facilities Tagged: , , ,

Fundraisers for Youth Events

Posted on October 19, 2011 Written by

 

Fundraisers have two purposes:
  • To make money in an effective and efficient manner
  • To build unity among the participants and interested people around a specific goal

 

All fundraisers need to have a balance between these two purposes and do it in a fun way (that’s the “fun” in fundraising). Too often, the group putting on the fundraiser focuses on one purpose to the neglect or even exclusion of the other purpose. That is not good and will harm future efforts. For instance, if you put on a concert and ask a bunch of people to work really hard in all the areas of the concert but then receive only $350 after all that effort, the volunteers will probably come away disillusioned about the results (but have good memories of the event). They achieved one purpose but nearly killed themselves without achieving the other purpose. On the flip side, if you put on an event and raise lots of money with little vested support, people may not feel as committed to the cause but feel incredibly proud of how much money they raised. Balance is good. Balance is key.

Another key to fundraising is to spread out the “ask” over a period of time such as several months. Some organizations do a “blitz ask” but they’ve done months of preparation (and received gifts during the prep time, too). Success is always, always a factor of how much effort you put into it. Every good fundraiser will require lots of effort on everyone’s part – make sure that you get enough “return on your investment” to have made all that effort worthwhile.
Some fundraising ideas for youth events:
Penny War
  • Boys versus girls. Every penny placed in the girls or boys jar is one point towards them. Every dollar added to a boys’ or girls’ jar is a negative 100 points towards them. After a month of war, the winners will be decided by who has the most points. The loser will then have to prepare dinner for the winners.
  • This is easy to do and raises a few hundred dollars without a lot of effort. This is a good balanced way to raise money in that every week you can promote it and even have a running total. Frankly, I do suggest that the money jars are emptied each week for two reasons: to announce the weekly running totals to egg on each side and to not have money sitting around in a jar which can walk off.

 Spirit Nights

  •  I know that both Chik-Fil-A and Tropical Smoothie have spirit nights we can tap into where during a certain time period, receipts taken will yield a percentage (normally 10 to 15 percent) to the student ministry. TS will even let us host a plinko game which raises a lot of funds.
  • The secret to working with local vendors (and some companies will sponsor car washes) is volume. The kids are going to have fun at the store and that will build unity – that is certain. How much money is raised is entirely dependent on getting people to come and/or buy tickets ahead of time. Kids need to be “in my face” about buying tickets. This a good idea and it can be held multiple times between now and when you need the funds without getting old and stale.

Yard Sale

  • The church rents out parking spots in the parking lot where people can host their own yard sale on the church’s property (the church makes money off the rent of parking spots). In another part of the parking lot, the church sells items that people donated for the yard sale (the church makes money off the sale of items). The church can sell concessions and make some money. There is always a fear of someone selling something offensive, but that can be addressed with the individual and you can let them know what we won’t let them sell (like porn magazines or offensive t-shirts).
  • This requires a LOT of effort and extreme coordination. Advertising is the key, too – get the word out that there is a community yard sale and people will buy reasonably priced parking spots ($10 is suggested) if they know there will be crowds coming. This can be a huge unity event for the youth as they work ahead of time and spend the entire day helping. It will raise at least a couple of thousand dollars.

Auction

  • This is my favorite way to raise money for youth functions. People bring in items that are of good value – other items should go to the yard sale! In one evening, there is a silent auction followed by a live auction (with a real, live auctioneer). Every year I’ve seen this done, the church raises over $12,000. The youth sell tickets beforehand and they drum up interest; the youth spend the Sunday and Wednesday before moving items; a team of volunteers helps coordinate the event; the youth work the auction by serving food and telling their story from the stage while people mill around.

Scholarships

  • Asking people to sponsor a kid or part of a kid for a trip always works. By this I mean informing people how much it will cost and then flat out asking them to fund ¼, ½, or the whole cost of a trip. People will do that. Afterwards, you can have the kid(s) that got the scholarship(s) to write a thank you and say how much the trip meant to him (them).

Sunday morning doughnuts

  • Krispy Kreme will sell doughnuts on the cheap for fundraisers and then you can re-sell them on a Sunday morning by the box.

What other successful ideas have you been a part of?

Lead On!
Filed Under: budget, church administration, church finances, young adults Tagged: , , ,

Leap of Faith

Posted on October 15, 2011 Written by

 

For several years I have felt that my gifts and experience in church and non-profit finance could be used to help numerous churches and other organizations. In the 6 ½ years I’ve been at my current church, I’ve accomplished a lot in getting the church’s finances and facilities where they need to be. I’ve helped the church operate more efficiently, effectively, and use technology better; I want other churches to use their resources in the best ways possible. I want to be able to offer my “services” to other places, so I need to make myself available. I believe this will free up some of the church’s resources in order to hire a facilities manager and/or executive pastor–two positions which the church needs but doesn’t currently have.
Because of this, I am resigning my position as Church Administrator of my church effective January 2, 2012. From now on, I am actively seeking a different challenge–and we (my wife and I) hope that will be as a self-employed consultant where I can work with multiple churches and non-profit organizations.
One of the joys I’ve had in the past few years is authoring this blog on church finances, which has had over 2,000 hits (not bad for a site focused only on church finances). I know there is a need for my services, but it will be up to God and prayers for churches to be willing to accept some outside help with their internal finances.
So, in January 2012 I’m launching a career in financial coaching/counseling for churches who need sound financial advice (how to save money, how to bring in more money, how to make the finances and offices more streamlined, efficient, and effective). I don’t know of anyone else doing this (maybe there’s a reason for that!) but it is a passion of mine. In today’s economic strain, churches must become even better managers of the resources they have.

As you can imagine, this is a huge step of faith for us as a family and for me as a professional. We ask for your prayers as we go through this change and for your creative ideas about places that might be able to use my expertise. Please contact me (steveplaw@gmail.com) to discuss financial coaching/counseling for your church or organization.

Lead On!
Steve

Filed Under: future, leadership, planning, strategy Tagged: , , ,

Steve Jobs and Church Mission Creep

Posted on October 6, 2011 Written by

Wow, everyone is writing something about Steve Jobs – I better join the parade before I get left behind. Well, sort of – I’m not a parade-kind-of-guy – more of a do-it-because-it-is-the-right-thing kind-of-guy. So, here’s my angle on Steve’s legacy and what the church can take away (the answer is “almost everything”).

One of the things noted in several of Jobs’ obits is the reference to his faith, Buddhism, and how he kept a very simple, if not spartan, lifestyle. Nothing on the walls of his house, a bare bed, little furniture, etc. He didn’t accrue a lot of material things – even though his wealth afforded him that luxury. That same passion for keeping things simple transferred to his work ethic. Several months ago I read the story of the first iPad – the presenters explained how you could do something in about four or five steps. He handed it back to them and said, do in one step. They argued that the technology wasn’t there yet but he refused to accept their response. A few months later they handed him the iPad that met his specifications – clean, simple, and easy to understand and use.

I have a passion for keeping things simple, too. Just ask my kids – “it must be in the recycle bin, I’m sure dad threw it away” is repeated often in our house (even when I’m not guilty!). Several years ago I worked for a community foundation where I got to manage $125 million (that was fun) and I learned about “style creep.” Style creep is when you hire a fund manager to invest your money in a certain financial style (growth, value, mid-cap, small cap, etc.) and that manager begins to move the money away from how you directed into areas that are not of your choosing. If not watched, fund managers can really mess up your investments – read your investment statements.

Mission creep is when the church begins to lose focus on what it is supposed to do. The church starts out with good intentions and really plans well what it should do and how it should plan its resources (buildings, people, and finances) to meet that need. Then, somewhere along the way, someone comes up with a need and the church agrees to create a ministry to help with that need. Then, another need comes up and another one, and pretty soon there are dozens of needs and respective ministries. The church is now allocating closets, money, people, and scores of volunteers to take care of those needs. Guess what, you’ve been hit by MISSION CREEP.

You are no longer focused on the one (or two or three) things that caused you to come into being in the first place. The church decided to placate a few people by funding these extra missions. Now, I’m not saying these extra needs shouldn’t be met, I just don’t think that the church is the place to meet every need. I know there are other organizations out there that are meeting those needs. When a member comes requesting the church to create a ministry that will lead to Mission Creep, the church leadership needs to find a local ministry and then encourage that person to volunteer at that ministry. There is no need to duplicate things – it can only hurt the true mission of the church.

Be cautious about Mission Creep – keep an eye out for it at every turn because it is there. Help your membership understand why the church cannot do everything for everyone – that is the value of partnerships with local organizations/ministries. Keep your church laser-beam focused on keeping things simple and true to the original mission (see Matthew 28:19-20 for clarification). Do not succumb to Mission Creep (and RIP, Steve Jobs).

Lead On!
Steve

Filed Under: leadership, wisdom Tagged: ,
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